Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, Lord, take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above
Never before have these lyrics resonated so closely with my heart as they did tonight. Tears snuck out of my eyes as I joined the congregation in worship, as I breathed for what felt like the first time all week. Since I landed in Minneapolis last Friday, life has been a whirlwind. A crazy beautiful whirlwind (an extrovert’s dream, really) complete with my loving family, sweet moments with amazing friends, birthday celebrations, Minnesota summer sunshine, my favorite foods, and so much joy. But amidst the joy, something has been weird in my heart. Something has felt uneasy. Something I couldn’t quite put my finger on. People who have traveled a lot or who have been overseas have been asking me about the culture shock of being home, but I haven’t been able to explain what I’ve been feeling. I wasn’t able to give an answer about something physical or obvious about the transition home that has been hard, but I knew that something on a heart level needed to be processed. Tonight as I honestly presented my heart to the Lord (finally) I came to the conclusion that I am simply feeling distracted. Distracted in the best way possible because all of the distracting things are things I love dearly, but distracted nonetheless. Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, prone to leave the God I love. The things of this world have become so much more evident back in my fast-paced, success-based, individualistic American culture and they are distracting my heart, my heart that can so easily wander from the God I love. I have been caught up in the endless wants and distracted by the opportunity of the American dream. I know that there is nothing greater than knowing Christ. I know that Jesus is the highest reward and that there is nothing that compares to the joy of following Him, but this week it has been hard to believe these truths, to let them sink into my heart, to delight in them. So here’s my heart, Lord, take and seal it, seal it for Thy courts above. Take my heart and use my life for your glory, and your glory alone. Give me a God-listening heart. Remind me that I am running a race worth running, that I am citizen of heaven, that I am reaching out for Christ who has so wondrously reached out for me. Remind me that You work all things for good for those who love You, who have been called according to Your purpose. Remind me that I am not defined by what I do, that You care much more about my character than You do about the things that I possess, that because I have You I have everything. Remind me that Your plan is perfect, that You don’t make mistakes, that You will always walk before me. Renew my mind and write Your Word on my heart. You are gracious, omnipotent, all-knowing. Great is Thy faithfulness and Your love never fails. Jesus, may Your truth resonate in my heart and mind. May I walk knowing that You are with me, You will never leave me and You will never let me down. Bind my wandering heart to Thee. Help me to seek Your face. Give me the courage to live the life You have planned and prepared for me before the foundation of the world. May I live truly believing that knowing You is all that matters. May the Gospel be fresh in my heart and fresh on my lips. May I desire to make Your name famous, not my own. May I be more distracted by Your majesty than I am by the fortune and fame the world can offer me. Amen.
“Yes, furthermore, I count everything as loss compared to the possession of the priceless privilege (the overwhelming preciousness, the surpassing worth, and supreme advantage) of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord and of progressively becoming more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him [of perceiving and recognizing and understanding Him more fully and clearly]. For His sake I have lost everything and consider it all to be mere rubbish (refuse, dregs), in order that I may win (gain) Christ (the Anointed One).” –Philippians 3:8 AMP